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Saturday, October 06, 2007 / 12:38 PM |
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I'm so afraid to step in home, it's like the moment I do so the sad-mode automatically being switched on. So I followed pao to drink, but well, not that I want to go, I'd never liked those places. I Just want a company to spend the long night with me. Because for the past few days, I'm having sleepless night, I can't fall into sleep, even if I do, it only last for a couple of hours & I would wake up crying. I don't wanna sound so pathetic nor demoralized. But seriously, how would you feel to lose something or someone that has been living with you for years & disappear out of a sudden? I know, time will heal. I'm still young & there are still many guys out there. But... whatever it is. I'll stay strong, although honestly I really don't feel right. I mean, God, please take away my heart.I dont want him to live there anymore. ***********************************************On the other hand, been talking to mother these consecutive days. & It's true, it's best to talk to your parents for they are experienced & had went through all what we are going through. She asked me 'I just want to know, for the past few years with Ben, are you happy?' My answer is No. She asked me again ' Can you list out all the good-points & short-coming of his? ' I hold on for a few second, & apparently I could list out 1 : 10 Sadly the only good-point he has that is, he's been the worst boyfriend I had but however taught me to be more wonder. Hey, it's true. I've been the one giving & giving in the relationship. I ask my mom again ' but why issit so that he could forget so easily or rather out of a sudden?' Her answer,' Silly, I'm sure he'll never forget. I'm sure those next girlfriend he gonna have down the road would be a comparism to you. Maybe never spoken but definitely will, in the heart.' At least, she make me heaved a sigh of pride. Yes, I've done my very best. Just that he did not appreciate though. Well, although being unappreciated really disheartening but what for? My mother says, unless you had done things remorseful other than that are okay. Like no? I'd given my heart & soul, treat him with everything he needs. & I wasn't at all who ruin the relationship, It was always him Thanks my mother who kick some sense into my head. & yea, Like what Kenny told me my world don't revolve around him. Hey, even my world would spins out of control, even you would met people who gonna screw your day, nevertheless, the choice is always in your hand. If I say that I gonna be fine right away , I will be lying. But it's time to stop harping on the tragedy & look at the bright side. Yes, I still love him but oneday, I know someone gonna replace him. |